We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
