I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
