Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
