Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
