This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
