i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
