More tranny stories later!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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