So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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