We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
