oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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