he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
