my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
