I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
