just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize