so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
