Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
