I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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