I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
