I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
