Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
