All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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