I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
True strength comes from lack of pants
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