we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
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