bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
