It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm at about main and main street
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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