no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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