She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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