Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize