Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
