just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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