I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
