Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
