The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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