do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
