The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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