my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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