I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
