So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
