Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(406): View more from Montana

my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute

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(949): View more from California

dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt

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(773): View more from Illinois

Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.

(773): View more from Illinois

You spelled "worthless" wrong.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?

(1-918): View more from Oklahoma

No thats like a top 10

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time

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(913): View more from Kansas

Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.

(1-913): View more from Kansas

Happy birthday, America.

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(630): View more from Illinois

We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!

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(907): View more from Alaska

This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?

(1-907): View more from Alaska

Positive reviews on angieslist?

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