Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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