gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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