this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
