I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
