I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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