I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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