Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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