Yo dont text me then not text me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i will never coherently bang her
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize