so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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