Quick, to the slutcave!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
