I look better un-naked...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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