the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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