Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I cockslap morals
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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