don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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