My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
