maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize