It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize