i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
