I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
