My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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