dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
