Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
