so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
