My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
