i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
