i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
