Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
